Mother's Day

Almost 4 years ago, on a gorgeous Sunday morning in Honolulu, I became a mommy.



Poor Sydney ... I didn't even know what I was doing. Does any mom, really? To be perfectly honest, I thought it would come easier to me. I struggled with the reality of how much this tiny person changed my life. I struggled with surviving on little sleep. I kind of resented the fact that I didn't have much time with my husband any more. I wondered what in the world I was supposed to do with her all day... we read and walked and talked and nursed and visited with friends. Was I missing something? I felt sort of lost between worlds.. .the one I used to have and the one I was supposed to have. It was a new reality and one I wasn't quite sure of.

I didn't struggle with loving her. I loved her fiercely from the start. I hoped I could give her the mommy she deserved. We figured everything out as we went along. She was (mostly) patient with me. I tried to be patient with myself.

Right as Sydney was turning one, we found that we were expecting again. I was equal parts happy and devastated. We wanted another baby, just not right then. But, as has shown to be true, God knew what he was doing.



Brenna Claire arrived on a freezing cold February day in Oklahoma. Her sister did not know what to make of her.


We took her home and held our breaths, wondering how all of this was going to work out. But Brenna was a sleeper, and a cuddler, and would pretty much go to anyone happily. She kind of rebuilt my faith in myself in a way. Having two little ones forced me to take one day at a time, or rather 5 minutes at a time. And be happy with whatever resulted. I'm not saying that first year wasn't a trip. Because it WAS! But it was worth the craziness. I loved them so.



Now we are two years into having two, and I am feeling like myself again. And feeling like this motherhood thing is working out afterall. ;-) But I did want to remember, that no matter how sweet all the pictures are when I look back, it was quite the start to this motherhood journey. The days are sometimes loooooooooooooooooooooong. But the years seem to fly right by. And one of these days I will get on a plane, or in my car and race to where Sydney or Brenna have just had a baby. And I will try to assure them, as my mother did/does, "You are doing a great job. You'll figure this out. I love you!"



Happy Mother's Day to my mom, and all my friends who are celebrating this crazy thing called motherhood today. And also to all of you who have mothered me along the way.... in small ways and big ones. Thank you.