Pampering?

Isn't getting a pedicure supposed to be relaxing? It's a spa treatment, right? I just cannot enjoy pedicures. I enjoy the end result, but the process is like torture.

I went today for the first pedicure of the season -- and the season is, from the earliest I dare to wear flip flops (March this year) up to the time that I'd better find something more substantial unless I want frostbite. I do love a good pair of flip flops. But my poor feet really, really needed some help. I dropped Brenna off at MDO and headed toward the nearest nail place.

I ordered up a spa pedicure and a manicure... I'm really should be a little more high-maintenance. My grooming, beyond soap, body wash, deodorant, a razor, an occasional tweezer and my hair dryer and straightener -- and that last one really should be used more often -- borders on neglectful. I smell great, just don't look to closely at my feet or hands. Or eyebrows. Or chin. ugh.

First, they always want to turn on the infernal massage chair, which is NOT comfortable. It feels like 4 year old boys running trucks over your back. Maybe worse than that. I always give it a try, and it always irritates me, so I always turn it off. Useless. I soaked for a while. Then the sweet lady poured some goo on a loofah thingy and scrubbed every last bit of skin off of my foot. I almost.came.out.of.my.chair. "You okay?" She smiled at me. I forced a smile and tried to calm my no-doubt crazy eyes. "Uh-huh," I said affirmatively. I had to remind myself to breathe. I'm frantically looking around for something to distract me. There's a Vogue magazine on my lap. I've already read about Giselle Bundchen's post-baby body. She mentioned she thought ladies turned themselves into garbage disposals upon finding out they are pregnant. She herself was careful about what she ate, did kung fu up until just before her baby was born and the very second Benjamin (whom Tom Brady would not let her name River) popped out, she was back to her svelte self. Whatever. I'm dying here. I want to shake Giselle. I hope I will be able to walk when this "pampering" is over. I catch sight of the TV which is on the Travel channel. I can't hear it but all they are showing are different types of steaks... like a tour of a meat market or something? All I know is, I was thinking "That's what my feet are going to look like."

My whole body is tense. I'm trying not to squirm. I remind myself to breathe. Then blessedly it's time for a rinse, a slather of mud and some hot towels wrapped around my legs and feet. THAT part did feel pretty good. And now my feet are pretty but sweet goodness, I'm done with all that. At least for another couple of weeks.

I won't go into the eyebrow wax. I'll just say they look good, but DANG! For my next me-time, I think I'll schedule something a little more relaxing, like a monster truck rally.